My mixed up head

Well after all these years and with therapy from which i have learned quite a few things...it still amazes me how my thoughts and feelings can switch from one second the next, and from one extreme to the other. I was having an amazing day today, and all of a sudden my brain just switched to the complete opposite. I was feeling as if i was a good person today which was a rare treat for me....i must say it had been quite a while. Then all of a sudden just like that i was convinced that i am a bad friend, a bad person, a bad daughter and sister, a bad person period. I somehow let my brain once again convince me that i would sometimes be better off alone on a deserted island where i would not be a bother to anyone on this planet. It just overcomes me sometimes like a huge wave. I all of a sudden a feeling comes over me, a knot in my stomach and i really feel like the most unbearable person on earth and wonder why people even talk to me. I become convinced i perhaps should just leave everyone alone because sooner or later they will not be able to take me anymore i will be too much for them and they will leave and abandonment is my worse fear. I realize i really dont let that many people in, like have really really intimate friendships, if someone is too friendly it scares me off. It takes me forever to really truly trust someone and even when i do some part of me is always on guard waiting for something bad to happen, or waiting for me to screw it up. Some nights like tonight i really believe i am not a good person. BUT and thank god there is a but, I am realising that therapy must be helping me somewhat because as opposed to many months ago, i do know this will pass. It is never gone completely, There is always a tiny part in me that believes this but on the days where it gets really overwhelming normally i would jump into panic mode and this could last for days or it has lasted for weeks before. But today even though i feel this i know it will pass and will be a lot less overwhelming and it gives me hope that as i move on on this long journey to some peace of mind, that one day perhaps these thoughts will never or at least very rarely occur to me.Today though I am convinced that i am doomed to be somewhat crazy for the rest of my life, that i will be stuck like this forever with highs and lows and highs and lows and that I am THE one that will fail my 2 year therapy, that I must be the worse case they have ever had where i go to therapy and that everyone will eventually leave...I dont like feeling like this BUT like i said I at least now know it will pass. It always does, so there is some hope and a tiny light at the end of this long tunnel.Tomorrow is a new day..... Thank you for reading me :o)