Getting along with others

The following list was given to me in therapy. It will explain why a lot of us have a hard time with interpersonal relationships and why we act the way we do, and give you an idea of what goes on in our heads. Factors reducing interpersonal effectiveness: LACK OF SKILL You actually DON'T KNOW what to say or how to act. You don't know how you should behave to achieve your objectives. You don't know what will work. You are really concerned about what others think about you. WORRY THOUGHTS Worry thoughts get in the way of your ability to act effectively. You have the ability, but your worry thoughts interfere with doing or saying what you want. WORRIES ABOUT BAD CONSEQUENCES. "They dont like me," "She will think i am stupid", "i should just keep quiet and pretend everything is ok" WORRIES ABOUT WHETHER YOU DESERVE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. "I am such a bad person i don't deserve this or anything" WORRIES ABOUT NOT BEING EFFECTIVE AND CALLING YOURSELF NAMES. "I won't do it right", "I'll probably fall apart", "I'm so stupid", "I am going to fail again, why bother even trying" EMOTIONS Your emotions (ANGER, FRUSTRATION, FEAR, GUILT, SADNESS...ETC) get in the way of your ability to act effectively. You have the avility, but your emotions make you unable to do or say what you want. Emotions, instead of skill, control what you say and do. INDECISION You CAN'T DECIDE what to do or what you really want. You have the ability, but your indecision gets in the way of doing or saying what you want. You are ambivalent about your priorities. You can't figure out how to balance: Asking for too much versus not asking for anything. Saying no to everything versus giving in to everything. ENVIRONMENT Characteristics of the environment make it impossible for even a very skilled person to be effective. SKILLFULL BEHAVIOR DOESN'T WORK" Other people are too powerful Other people will be threatened or have some other reason for not liking you if you get what you want. Other people won't give you what you need or let you say no without punishing you unless you sacrifice your self-respect, at least a little. I can't speak for everyone but these thoughts are usually in my head most of the time which makes it very hard sometimes to have close relationships with others. It's like a recording in my head that has been there since i can remember thinking and i don't even realise it half the time. I have to stop and think of what am actually thinking and try to change the thoughts which is very hard since i tend to not believe the good thoughts about myself. Thank you for reading me :o) I again appologize for the no paragraphs, i just can't figure out why my computer won't let me put paragraphs and i know it's annoying.