I have not posted in a while since my bpd and depression got the best of me but i decided to post tonight. Hope it will make sense bare with me please :o)
Perceptions for me and most bpd's is a very hard thing, and also often brings on paranoia, sometimes A LOT of paranoia and fears like thinking we have made people angry or hurt them. I will give a short example. I email with my dad on a daily basis. Sometimes when i send him an email he replies with OK! written exactly like that. I became convinced that when he replies that way it meant he was angry with what i was emailing, simply because of the OK in big letters and the exclamation mark. I was trying to figure out and analyse in my head what i had done wrong. So one day i asked him, well i was of course completely wrong!
He was just writing in the way he does with everyone had nothing to do with me at all. We are sometimes so sensitive. Even a tiny remark that is said in what we perceive to be an angry or annoyed tone, can send us into paranoia and never ending spinning thoughts or wondering if that person does not like us anymore, assume right away we must have done something wrong. Sometimes the thoughts spin out of control to the point of our big fear of abandonment and we become convinced that person will leave.
Most people would not even think twice at that remark. When i am feeling well. I try to think it through and consider that i am most likely completely wrong and if i am still unsure i now try to have the courage to ask and end my inside turmoil before it gets out of control. We are very very sensitive.
Thanks for reading me :o)
