Bordeline Personality Disorder

I am doing this blog in the hopes of helping people with "BPD" and to help family and friends and those who do not have BPD to perhaps understand us better. Also to learn from others at the same time. I am 36 years old and I was diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago. I am fortunate enough to be in a fantastic treatment center for 2 years and i know that depending on where people live, many places do not have treatment at all. I will be sharing VERY PERSONAL information because i think it is important people understand and in the hopes that my story can help someone who has felt the same or went through similar experiences, hopefully they can relate. I would like to share experiences and things I have learned in therapy and hear people's stories and experiences. Please do not self diagnose yourself if you find you have many of the symptoms of Borderline personality disorder. I also am not a doctor or therapist so everything I post is from my own experiences and what I have learned so far about BPD. Everyone is welcome to share their stories, offer tips and such but if anyone is disrespectful I will remove your posts. I hope this will be a way to inform and help people including myself. Thank you

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Can't sleep

Today i had to admit i am an addict and need help. I have realised this has been going on since the age of 12 when i started drinking. Then around the age of 15, i started doing drugs. I was always partying and usually drinking to oblivion. In my early 20's i would go through bouts with my back then husband. I would go on drinking binges for months and months and then stop for months as well. Then when i moved to montreal in 2000 i was quiet for quite a while with the alcohol and drugs, only once here and there. But towards the end of my marriage i started drinking more often and when we divorced i belive in 2006 i went on a drinking and drug binge for quite a few months too. Then i stopped for a while. Two summers or 3 summers ago i partied all summer, all alcohol though. Then i stopped again for quite a while. When i stopped partying for a while, i would of course jump to another addiction, spending money, overeating, or not eating...or to the health kick extremes i described in my previous blogs, but when i look back, their is always some sort of addiction. In july i fell 2 times on my back and really really hurt myself, my back still hurts. I am now addicted to the dilaudid. I will have to do a medical detox and perhaps a rehabilitation programme as well which i want to do. I admitted i needed help when i realised this was out of my control. Once i realised this was out of control, i looked back on my life and realised this has been going on my whole life. I was sure i had everything under control. What fooled me the most was the fact that i could always stop for months and months at a time..but even when i went without drugs and alcohol for a while there was always an addiction there. So i am writing this personal stuff because i will have to do a medical detox and perhaps a rehap programm starting within a few days and i may not be able to blog for a while depending on what happens to me. If i can't blog i will still continue taking my notes and blogging when i can or when i come back if i have to enter a treatment facility. Thank you for reading me (whoever that is cause some days i have no clue) :o)
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)