On the border: December 2011

Bordeline Personality Disorder

I am doing this blog in the hopes of helping people with "BPD" and to help family and friends and those who do not have BPD to perhaps understand us better. Also to learn from others at the same time. I am 36 years old and I was diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago. I am fortunate enough to be in a fantastic treatment center for 2 years and i know that depending on where people live, many places do not have treatment at all. I will be sharing VERY PERSONAL information because i think it is important people understand and in the hopes that my story can help someone who has felt the same or went through similar experiences, hopefully they can relate. I would like to share experiences and things I have learned in therapy and hear people's stories and experiences. Please do not self diagnose yourself if you find you have many of the symptoms of Borderline personality disorder. I also am not a doctor or therapist so everything I post is from my own experiences and what I have learned so far about BPD. Everyone is welcome to share their stories, offer tips and such but if anyone is disrespectful I will remove your posts. I hope this will be a way to inform and help people including myself. Thank you

Friday 30 December 2011

Update...

Well it has been a while. For those of you that have been reading me. I finally went to detox on the 12th and got out on the following friday. It was quite hard but not AS bad as i was thinking it would be. I am now finally rid of dilaudid and i really happy about that. I have been somewhat depressed which i expected. I feel a bit lost and with somewhat a loss of identity as most of you bpd out there will understand. BUT i prefer being a bit depressed and anxious in my reality instead of the dilaudid reality which was starting to really freak me out. I had to put two of my cats to sleep within one week which was really really hard. Especially since one was during rehab and the other the day after rehab. This did not help. I also feel quite sad and a lot of pain from my friend who lost his mother to cancer this summer and spent his first christmas without her.

I do start rehab on the 4th of January. Three groups a week and one solo. This will help greatly as i miss my bpd therapy which only re starts in march. And that is the update for me.

Thanks for reading me :o)

Saturday 3 December 2011

Very powerful poem by Portia Nelson

BY Portia Nelson

i walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost....I am helpless
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I was down the same street.
THere is a deep hole in the sidewalk
i pretend i don't see it.
I fall in again
i can't believe i am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street
Thre is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it there
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open.
I know where i am
It is my fault
I get out immediatly

I walk doesn the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

I walk down another street